Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Meaning of Wife

Worries Invited For Ever
Who Irritates For Everything
Wonderful Instrument For Enjoyment
Women's Institute for Financial Education
Washing, Ironing, Feeding, Etc.
Worries Inherited For Ever
Worship, Instruction, Fellowship, Evangelism
Wonderful Item For Enjoyment
Washing Ironing Fun And Entertainment
Washing, Ironing, Feeding, Enjoyment
Wash, Iron, Fold, and Entertain
Washing, Ironing, Feeding, and Entertainment
Wonderful Instrument For Entertainment
Wholely Idiot and Funny Entertainer
Without Information Fighting Everytime
With Idiot For Ever

Thursday, March 14, 2013

কম্পিউটার আবিস্কারের আগে শব্দগুলোকে যেভাবে জানতাম

  • Windows ছিলো ঘরের জানালা
  • Application মানে বুঝতাম হেডমাস্টারের কাছে দেওয়া চিঠি
  • Mouse বলতে ইদুরকে বুঝতাম
  • Keyboard মানে ছিলো পিয়ানো
  • File ব্যাপারটা শুধু সরকারী অফিসেই ঘুষ দিয়ে ছাড়ানো কাগজ জানতাম
  • Hard Drive মানে চরম মজার একটা গাড়ির journey. 
  • Cut শুধুমাত্র ছুরি দিয়েই করা যেত
  • Web জন্মাতো আমাদের ঘরের কোনায়
  • Virus ছিলো একটা ফ্লু
  • Apple and Blackberry ছিলো দুটি ফলের নাম।

২০২০ সালের ফেসবুক

গিন্নির স্ট্যাটাস- আজ করল্লা আর লইট্যা শুটকি দিয়ে গরুর মাংসের দো পেয়াজি কর্ছি।
কর্তা অফিসে বসে- লাইক।কমেন্টস এ- ওয়াও! লাবু জানু,আই উইল বি হোম সুন ;) খ্যান্ট উয়েঠ :)
বাসার পিচ্চি- ডিসলাইক ,আমি বার্গার খামু।
বান্ধবি- এই রেসিপি টা লিখে শেয়ার দে না রে !আমিও রাধঁবো ওর জন্য
পাশের বাসার ভাবি-লাইক,এন্ড আমাকে এক বাটি দিয়েন তো আপা :)
বউয়ের আপন মা- আহারে আমার মেয়টা শশুর বাড়ি গিয়ে কি কষ্টেই না আছে,এখনি চুলো গুতাচ্ছে :( সবাই তোকে শুধু পোক করে নারে?
শাশুড়ি- কি যে রাধোঁ না তুমরা ? আমারে এই আইটেম থেকে আনট্যাগ করো,আজ আমি সাগুদানা আর দুধ খাবো।
ননদ- স্ট্যাটাসে লাইক ও না,ডিসলাইক ও না।বয় ফ্রেন্ডের সাথে চ্যাটে-জানু আমাকে কিন্তু আজকে তুমি চাইনিজে নিয়ে যাবা,ভাবি আজকেও ছাইঁপাশ রাধঁছে :(
দেবর- ফ্রেন্ডের সাথে চ্যাটে ।দোস্ত তোর মেসে বুয়ারে চাউল এক পট বাড়ায়া দিতে ক! আমি আইতাছি,দুপুরে খামু।
দাড়োয়ান- ম্যাডাম দর্জা জানলা বন কৈরা রান্ধেন ফিলিজ,অলরেডি পাশের ফ্ল্যাটের লোকজন গন্ধের চোটে রিপোর্ট বাটনে কিলিক মারছে।
জরিনা খাতুন'স রেসিপি পেজ- আপনি আমাদের রেসিপি নিজের নামে চলানোয় আপনাকে আনফ্রেন্ড কর্তে বাধ্য হলাম।
বুয়া- কমেন্টস এ - ইসটেটাস পরে দিয়েন আগে শপিং মল থাইকা আইসা রান্না বওয়ান খালাম্মা।
অতঃপর মান ইজ্জত খাওনের দুষে একটু পরেই বুয়ারে ব্লক :-( :P:P:P

Friday, February 17, 2012

Types of Girls

  • HARD-DISK Girls: She remembers everything, FOREVER.
  • RAM Girls: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
  • WINDOWS Girls: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
  • SCREENSAVER Girls: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
  • INTERNET Girls: Difficult to access.
  • SERVER Girls: Always busy when you need her.
  • MULTIMEDIA Girls: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
  • CD-ROM Girls: She is always faster and faster.
  • E-MAIL Girls: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
  • VIRUS Girls: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything...

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Fun About Marriage

  • আমি আর আমার স্ত্রী জীবনের ২৫টা বছর বড়ো আনন্দে কাটিয়েছি। তারপর আমাদের পরিচয় হল।
  • "A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished."
  • আমি বহুদিন আমার স্ত্রীর সাথে কথা বলি নি, আমি আসলে তাকে কথার মাঝখানে থামাতে চাই নি।
  • সব বিয়েই সুখের। পরবতী সময়ে একসঙ্গে থাকতে গিয়েই যত ঝামেলা হয়।
  • বিয়েঃ একটি বৈধ ও ধর্মসম্মত অনুষ্ঠান যেখানে দুজন বিপরীত (সাধারণত) লিঙ্গের মানুষ পরস্পরকে জ্বালাতন করা এবং পরস্পরের ওপর গুপ্তচরবৃত্তি করার শপথ নেয় ততদিনের জন্য যতদিন না মৃত্যু এসে তাদেরকে আলাদা করে।
  • সুখি দাম্পত্য জীবনের জন্য একজন পুরুষের উচিত তার মুখ বন্ধ রাখা আর চেকবই খোলা রাখা।
  • সন্ধ্যায় ঘরে ফিরে একটু ভালোবাসা,একটু আদর,একটু কোমলতা পাওয়া - একে এক কথায় কি বলে বলতে পারেন? একে বলে আপনি ভুল বাসায় এসেছেন।
  • মেয়েরা কেমন পুরুষ চায়? সুদর্শন, বিত্তবান এবং নির্বোধ।
  • একজন পুরুষের শেষ কথা কি হওয়া উচিত? “ঠিক আছে, কিনে ফেলো”।
  • স্বামী আর স্ত্রী হল একটি মুদ্রার এপিঠ-ওপিঠ, একসাথে থাকলেও তারা কখনো মুখোমুখি হতে পারে না।
  • স্বামী হিসেবে প্রত্নতত্ত্ববিদরাই সবচেয়ে আদর্শ। পুরনো জিনিসের প্রতিই তাদের আগ্রহ বেশি।
  • "Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."
  • মেয়েরা আশা করে ছেলেরা বিয়ের পরে বদলাবে, কিন্তু তা হয় না। আর ছেলেরা আশা করে মেয়েরা বিয়ের পরেও একইরকম থাকবে, কিন্তু তারা বদলে যায়।
  • "The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
  • বিষয়টি মজার যে একটি ছেলের জীবনে যখন কোন ধরণের দুশ্চিন্তা থাকেনা, সে বিয়ে করে। এটা অনেকটা সুখে থাকতে ভূতে কিলানোর মত।
  • আপনার স্ত্রী আপনার কৌতুক শুনে হাসল, এর অর্থ হচ্ছে হয় কৌতুকটি খুব ভালো, নয় আপনার বউ খুব ভালো।
  • বিয়ের আগে পযন্ত আমি জানতাম না সত্যিকারের সুখ কাকে বলে। যখন জানলাম তখন বড্ড দেরি হয়ে গেছে।
  • অনেকেই আমাদের দীর্ঘ দাম্পত্য জীবনের রহস্য নিয়ে প্রশ্ন করে। তাদেরকে বলি, সপ্তাহে দুদিন ভালো রেস্তোঁরায় ডিনার, মৃদু আলোতে সফ্‌ট মিউজিক, একটুক্ষণ নাচ – এই তো। আমি যাই বিষ্যুদবারে, আমার স্ত্রী সোমবারে।
  • বিয়ে না করলে ছেলেরা সারাজীবন ধরে ভাবত, তাদের জীবনে কোন ভুল নেই।
  • একজন নববিবাহিত যখন বলে সে সুখি, আমরা জানি, কেন। একজন ১০বছরের বিবাহিত মানুষ যখন বলে সে সুখি, আমরা ভাবি,কেন?
  • ছেলেটি বলেছিল মেয়েটির জন্য সে নরক পযন্ত যেতে রাজী। ঈশ্বর তাকে সেই সুযোগ করে দিয়েছেন। তাদের বিয়ে হয়েছে।
  • বিয়ের আগে ছেলেটি যখন মেয়েটির হাত ধরে, সেটি হচ্ছে ভালোবাসা। আর বিয়ের পরে যখন ধরে, সেটি হচ্ছে আত্মরক্ষা।
  • ভালবাসা হচ্ছে একটি মিষ্টি স্বপ্ন আর বিয়ে হচ্ছে এলার্মক্লক।
  • এটা সত্যি যে কেউ পরাধীন হয়ে জন্মায় না, কিন্তু অনেকেই বিয়ে করে ফেলে।
  • এটা সত্যি যে ভালোবাসা অন্ধ, তবে বিয়ে চোখ খুলে দেয়।
  • মেয়েটি তার মাকে গিয়ে বলল, “আমি এমন একটি ছেলেকে খুঁজে পেয়েছি যে ঠিক বাবার মত”। মা বললেন, "এখন তুমি আমার কাছে কি চাও? সান্ত্বনা?"
  • বিয়ে হচ্ছে বুদ্ধিমত্তার বিরুদ্ধে কল্পনার জয়। আর দ্বিতীয় বিয়ে হচ্ছে অভিজ্ঞতার বিপক্ষে আশাবাদের জয়।
  • মেয়েরা সত্যিই unpredictable. বিয়ের আগে তারা একজন পুরুষকে expect করে, বিয়ের পরে তাকে suspect করে, আর তার মৃত্যুর পরে তাকে respect করে।
  • In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
  • পত্রিকায় একটি ব্যক্তিগত বিজ্ঞাপন ছাপা হল, "Husband Wanted”। পরদিন কয়েকশ’ মহিলা যোগাযোগ করলেন, “আমারটি নিতে পারেন"।
  • একটি ছেলে ১টাকার জিনিস ২টাকায় কিনবে যদি এটা তার প্রয়োজনে লাগে। আর একটি মেয়ে ২টাকার জিনিস ১টাকায় পেলেই কিনবে জিনিসটা তার কাজে লাগুক চাই না লাগুক।
  • একটি মেয়ে তার ভবিষ্যৎ সম্পর্কে চিন্তিত থাকে যতদিন তার বিয়ে না হয়। ছেলেদের চিন্তাটা বিয়ের পরে শুরু হয়।
  • একজন সফল পুরুষ সে-ই যে এত টাকা আয় করতে পারে যা তার বউ খরচ করে শেষ করতে পারে না। একজন মেয়ের ক্ষেত্রে সাফল্য হচ্ছে এরকম একজন পুরুষকে খুঁজে বের করতে পারা।
  • একজন পুরুষের সাথে সুখে থাকার মন্ত্র কি? You must understand him a lot and love him a little. একটি মেয়ের সাথে সুখে থাকতে হলে you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
  • বিয়ে করার একটা সুবিধা হচ্ছে, তোমার ভুল-ত্রূটিগুলো আর তোমার কষ্ট করে মনে রাখার দরকার নেই। এক কাজ দুজনের করার অর্থ কি?
  • বিবাহিত পুরুষেরা চিরকুমারদের চেয়ে বেশি দিন বাঁচে। মানুষ যা চায় তা কখনোই পায় না।

Monday, April 25, 2011

Wife vs Girlfriend

Wife is like a TV,
Girlfriend is like a MOBILE.

At home u watch TV,
But when u go out u take ur MOBILE.

No money, u sell the TV,
Got money u change ur MOBILE.

Sometimes u enjoy TV,
But most of the time u play with ur MOBILE.

TV is free for life,
But for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old,
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable.

Operational costs for TV is often acceptable,
But for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding.

TV has a remote,
MOBILE doesn't.

Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk and listen),
But with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not).

Last but not least ..
TVs don't have viruses,
But MOBILEs often do!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Positive Approach !!!

We don't understand Women : their "Whatever" "Anything" or "You Decide"

1. (Whatever)
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don't we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time i got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why don't we have Szechwan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan, today too?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..

2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything

3. (You Decide) 
Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: OK; we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can't walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first?
Women: Whatever...
Men: What shall we eat?
Women: Anything..

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

How to Take Care of Your Wife

In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.


Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES
  • You make the bed (+1)
  • You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
  • You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
  • You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
  • In the rain (+8)
  • But return with Beer (-5)
  • You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
  • You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
  • You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
  • You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
  • It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
  • You stay by her side the entire party (0)
  • You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
  • Named Tina (-4)
  • Tina is a dancer (-10)

HER BIRTHDAY
  • You take her out to dinner (0)
  • You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
  • Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
  • And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)
  • It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
  • You take her to a movie (+2)
  • You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
  • You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
  • You take her to a movie you like (-2)
  • It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
  • You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
  • You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
  • You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
  • You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
  • You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
  • She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
  • You hesitate in responding (-10)
  • You reply, "Where?" (-35)
  • Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
  • When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)
  • You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
  • You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
  • She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Different Types of Marketting

  • You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing... "

  • You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising. .."

  • You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing. .."

  • You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)"Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations... "

  • You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition. .."

  • You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback..."

  • You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap..."

  • You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share..."

  • You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets..."

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Before and After

Before Marriage.....

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
.
.
.
After Marriage....
Scroll up and Simply read from bottom to top.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

PUNNY!!!

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man's home is his castle,in a manor of speaking.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done

Poor Jokes (Engineering)

Q. A man went to the church and told the priest,"Father, I have sinned ninety times". Father said, "beta dont worry u will get caught 45 times." How did Father work this out. Was he a clarivoyant?
A: Becoz sin 90=cot 45

Q: What do you call the most religious unit in electric science?
A: Ohm

Q: what is the volume of a person who has lost all his memory in a typical (filmy) accident !!!
A: 1/3 pi*r*r*r
bcos he says
"main KOUN (cone) hoon !!??? "

Q: Why Dont people laugh at a complex joke--> P + iJ
A: Because the Joke part of it is imaginary!!! !

Q: Wat do u cal a cylinder of radius "z" units and height "a" units?
A: Pizza!
Coz volume of cylinder= Pi * r * r * h
=>pi*z*z* a
=Pizza

Q: Once all chemistry professors went to see the movie "Iron Man" expecting the iron man to be a lady. Why?
A: Because in chemical terms
Iron = Fe
Man = Male
So Iron Man becomes Fe-Male or female

Q: What is the Population Control Program of the Chinese Government called
A: Chini Kam

Q: wat wud an angrez say to his Anpadh hindu naukar if he wants him to open the door!!!
A: "There Was A Cold Day " (say it fast)

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Try to Read

amazing...

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid, too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe tuo fo 100 anc.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

If you can read this, your brain is 50% faster.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Good One Liner

Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home devil in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home economist in Bed.

Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter

There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads "We maynever piss this way again."

Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

Q: What's the diff between mother wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying the other ensures you continue to do so.

Boss: I'll give you 3000 per month and in three months, I'll raise it to 6000. So when would you like to start?
Santa: In 3 months.

A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week. Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?

Pilot asking permission to land said, "Guess who?"Controller switches the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Girlfriend Tech Support E-mail

I am currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've beenhaving some problems lately. I've been running the same version of Drinking Buddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all theGirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that Drinking Buddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background modeand the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't findthe switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and itworks okay.


Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Fishing 97 program, often trying to abort Fishing 97 with some sort of timingincompatibility. I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, butI thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. Aftermonths of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has hadexperience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enoughcache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a TokenRing to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, ituninstalled itself.


Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while. Ivery cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It workedokay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in mysystem. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about thatautomatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removeal of both versions.


The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think thereis too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware,you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."


A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but soon after that, hehad to upgrade to Wife 1.0 which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One ofthe primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus. Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can doanything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off. I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you tryto run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.


Any Ideas???

Monday, August 4, 2008

Software Engineer and His Wife

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

Thursday, May 8, 2008

The Corporate Language !!

"We will do it"
means
"You will do it"


"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"


"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"


"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".


"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"


"There was a slight miscommunication"
means
"We had actually lied"


"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"


"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"


"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."


"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"


"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"


"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"


"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."


"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"


"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"


"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Some Nice Sentences

Three Easy Ways to Die :
Take a Cigar daily - You will die 10 years early.
Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.
Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.


A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells
her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.


One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY


Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman


Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE..


Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.


Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.


If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.


Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.


When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.


Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.